Top 12 Favorite Scary Movies

As an ode to the holiday we’re currently celebrating, I give this to you, my 3 loyal readers, my favorite movies.  It’s not listed below, but the remake of The Last House on the Left gets an honorable mention because when I saw the unrated version, I was deeply distraught for hours, and could not stop thinking about it for weeks after.

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

            This movie boasts that it has been banned in more than 50 countries.  In truth, the director and producers were arrested because people thought that what was happening in the film was true.  It follows a documentary team sent to look for another team that has gone missing in the African jungles.  When they get there, they’re brutally raped, tortured, and murdered by the natives living there.  This is one of the only films that has truly made me sick to my stomach from viewing.  Just so you know, it does feature on-screen, animal deaths.

Dead Alive (aka Brain Dead, 1992)

            Peter Jackson’s horror pre-cursor to The Frightening and those movies about the midgets, this starts as a brooding thriller but somewhere along the way, it devolves into a surreal slasher comedy.  Not for the faint of stomach, this flick throws in everything, from decapitations, dead mothers, intestines, lawnmowers, and giant monster babies.

Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)

            Directed and co-written by Scott Derrickson (he remade The Day the Earth Stood Still, but more importantly, he’s involved with Paradise Lost, a movie about the West Memphis Three murders), this movie takes what The Exorcist did write, and amplifies it by actually showing the girl get possessed instead of just talking about it for ¾ of the movie.  That first scene, when Emily is in the dorm room alone, still scares the shit out of me.

Frailty (2001)

            Directed by and starring Bill Paxton, this is a suspenseful thriller that went largely unnoticed when it came out.  Paxton steals scenery as a father that is convinced that God has chosen him to get rid of demons hiding as humans.  What is truly terrifying about this is when he turns on his own children.

High Tension (2003)

            From French filmmaker Alexandre Aja, who went on to helm another favorite of mine, The Hills Have Eyes, along with the crap-tastic Mirrors (but we’ll forgive him for that, because right now, he’s remaking Pirahna 3D), this film lives up to it’s name.  When her girlfriend’s family is attacked, Marie is forced to follow the killer to exact her revenge.  It is one of those “twist-ending” flicks that you can see from 30 miles away, and if you really think about it, nothing makes any sense, but that doesn’t matter.  Getting caught up in the chase is what it’s all about here, and this movie perfects that.

The Hills Have Eyes (remake) (2006)

            Here, Aja remakes a campy classic into something truly terrifying.  While the original was more about satirizing the family structure, and spent much more time on the Freaks, this one hardly leaves the human family.  From the squirm-inducing trailor rape, to the revenge-flick finale, this is not one to miss.

Hostel II (2007)

            Directed by Eli Roth, who arguably started the ‘torture-porn’ craze, this movie still makes me shake from fear and disgust.  I saw this one with White Goodman in a rundown movie theather, and we left the theater speechless.  But you know what? We fucking loved it.  I love the way Roth mixes the macabre with the absurd, and never gives an explanation as to why.

The Mist (2007)

            Adapted from a short story by Stephen King, this is another movie that builds and builds until it reaches it’s shocking conclusion.  It starts off relatively nice, and a little nostalgic, but ends in the darkest place you can imagine.  When Marcia Gay Harden’s character finally got what she deserved, the entire theater started cheering.

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

            Back before Freddy was a one-liner spewing frat boy, he was the epitome of terror.  Not one to waste time waiting for you to wake up, Freddy murdered you in your dreams.  I saw this as a child, and was thereby hooked on horror.  Also, it’s Johnny Depp’s first movie role!

28 Weeks Later (2007)

            Most people go with the first movie here (28 Days Later), but to me, that one’s just a bunch of nothing (literally – Cillian Murphy spends the first 15 minutes absolutely alone), followed by some running zombies.  The sequel, however, amps up the tension to 15.  Nothing beats the opening scene in this, and (honestly) the rest of the movie kind of suffers because of it.  However, this one still goes into my “the sequel is better than the original list” due to a dynamic performance by Robert Carlyle.

The Orphanage (2007)

            Yet another entry from 2007, this one was produced by Guillermo del Tor, and it shows.  That kid with the bag on his head scares the shit out of me.  And the ending was as fucked up as anything I’ve ever seen.  This one keeps you intrigued the whole time, but still doesn’t back of the gore (which is my favorite part).

Trick ‘r’ Treat (2008)

            This is the movie that never was.  Actually filmed two years earlier than it’s release, this one was written and directed by X2 and Superman Returns scribe Mike Dougherty.  The problem was, WB didn’t know how to market it in a Saw world, and quietly released it straight to DVD this earlier this month.  A horror anthology in the vein of Creepshow, it features 4 interwoven stories on Halloween night.  The best part about this one, is it’s about the fun and mystery of Halloween.  With scene stealing performance across the map, but especially by Dylan Baker and Brian Cox, this is definitely one you should check out.

Religulous (2008)

Religulous

Directed by Larry Charles
Written by Bill Maher

In Religulous, Bill Maher goes around and interviews religious officials and normal people, asking them why they believe in whatever it is they believe in.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to summarize the plot of a feature film in fewer words (except for maybe a Michael Moore flick).  As he says early on in the documentary, he’s not trying to tell religious people that they are wrong, he’s just trying to figure out why smart people – senators, scientists, elected officials – can not only believe, but actually rest all of their beliefs on something so ridiculous as modern religion. 

I’m going to add a disclaimer here – I consider myself an atheist.  There was a point in my life where I did firmly believe that God was there, and He was all I believed in.  But then I realized that the Holocaust, and Abu Ghraib, and Katherine Heigl exist, and so I stopped believing in nonsense.  So this movie only reaffirmed my beliefs.

Did Bill Maher do his job?  Did he get an answer to the question “Should I follow a religion?” In a word, yes.  Now, Maher didn’t have to work hard to drive his point home.  I distinctly remember a democratic senator who actually made up words.  He interviewed a formerly gay priest that hugged him at the end of the interview.  Apparently there is a Holy Land Experience theme park in Florida that reenacts the crucifixion of Jesus.  Actually, you probably won’t believe that, so here’s the link- http://www.holylandexperience.com/. Yea.  Just take a second to let that sink in.

Is religion ridiculous? Hell yes.  But now it’s necessary for our civilization to survive, which is very sad.  Bill Maher questions members of (almost) every religion. He confronts Jews, Muslims, Christians, Scientologists, and Catholics.  The only religion he passes on is Pastafarianism.  Yup.  Also real.

I liked this documentary a lot.  Bill Maher was his usual smart-ass self.  I especially loved Larry Charles’ decision to insert little clips and subtitles whenever somebody would say something absurd.  It had me laughing out loud (which, if you know me, isn’t unusual during movies), speechless, and during the last 5 minutes, in a trance.  Don’t miss this one.

Identity

Identity (2003)

Directed by James Mangold. Written by Michael Cooney.

Every time I watch this flick, I forget how good it is. However, I don’t know why I like it so much. It suffers from the same problem that most thrillers did post The Sixth Sense – the inevitable “twist ending.” But I can look past that. This flick is a blast!

Without spoiling the plot, the only thing I’ll say about the plot is that it takes place mostly in an old motel just outside my former home (and current meth-town) Carson City. Ten strangers are trapped there in a brutal rainstorm, and when they start getting brutally murdered, they’re forced to confront each other.

What I will say is that the performances are spot-on. Most people don’t like John Cusack when he’s not being funny or Lloyd Dobler, but I do. The Ice Harvest, 1408, who can honestly say those aren’t awesome flicks? But here, he perfects the “wounded heart” acting skills that he uses for the subsequent six years. Ray Liotta yells a lot, and if there’s anything Ray Liotta can do it is yell. See Narc for further proof. Jake Busey gets acting lessons from his dad, and acts like a madman, chewing scenery like it’s bubble gum. And John C. McGinley continues to prove why he is one of the best bit-part character actors working today.

I absolutely love the beginning of this movie. James Mangold, who also did Walk the Line and 3:10 to Yuma, does what he does best, and that is make people talking seem exciting. The editing where you see the actor, and the frame freezes and rewinds, so you get a little bit of their back story is just brilliant. One of my other favorite parts is the events leading up to the reveal. It’s frenetic, chaotic, and completely crazy, and I love the way the reality of the film falls apart.

Downsides? The plot is a little unbelievable. But stick through it, because it’s worth it. Also, when the killer is revealed, you’re going to laugh.

This is one of my favorite movies, and after watching it, even my girlfriend agreed. You owe it to yourself to watch this flick.

The Town That Was (2006)

The Town That Was by Chris Perkal & Georgie Roland (2006)




First things first – this is NOT one of those documentaries that comes out of nowhere. You know the kind – the film that does the festival circuit for 2 years before getting picked up by Paramount and released and makes $24 million on opening weekend. This is the documentary you watch because you’re interested in the subject. I have to admit, I knew quite a bit about this doc before I rented it. So, I’m guessing that anybody looking to watch this would also be well versed on the subject.

The Plot (SPOILERS): For those not in the know, this doc is about a town known as Centralia, in Pennsylvania. The town has been burning from underground for the past 45 or so years. Basically, back in the day (long before the environmentalists took over the world), the town would actually burn the garbage dumps on Memorial Day Weekend as a way to get more space for more garbage, and for another ritualistic fire to take place the following year. Well, in 1962, they lit the fire and didn’t put it out. Despite the fact that the town exists solely due to the coal mines located directly beneath the garbage dumps, the towns officials were apparently surprised and flabbergasted when they realized that coal is FLAMMABLE. Yea, I know. I was speechless also. After a little bit of research, they learned that ¾ of the world’s natural coal is located beneath….you got it- Pennsylvania. So basically, this underground fire is going to burn forever. The film goes into all of the political and financial chaos that stems from a town being on fire for 40-something years. I guess the government didn’t want to spend the money (big surprise there) to put the fire out, so they paid for an evacuation. The evacuation wasn’t mandatory, so people left very slowly. Today, only 11 people live in the town. The film jumps back and forth between archival news footage from pre-fire, and interviews with the people that still live in the town, and the few people still alive that left.

Cinematography: It’s a freaking documentary. Not a Spielberg film. IMDB tells me that the movie was shot over 4 years by a 3-man crew. Nothing exciting here.

Was It Good?: Well, I’m not sure. It didn’t tell me anything that I couldn’t read for myself on wikipedia. There wasn’t really any emotion behind it. It seemed like even the people still living in Centralia didn’t really give a shit about the town. The filmmakers tried to mess with your emotions by telling the story of Todd Bumbowski (a young boy who fell into his grandmother’s yard when it collapsed due to the fire raging underneath it), and by interviewing the 92-year-old mayor. Watch it if you find the subject interesting, I guess. I enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as I’ve enjoyed similarly themed documentaries. This could have been an hour long special on the History Channel and I wouldn’t have known the difference.

Movies, for Dummies.

This is my first blog, so please excuse the informalities. My plan here is to create a set of film reviews, for real people. My biggest qualm with film critiques is that most of them are based on a set of high-falutin critical rules that, frankly, I don't give a shit about. I'm a horror fan. I love scary movies. However, the "critics" (these are the Roger Eberts, the Owen Gleibermans, basically, the people that get paid) usually don't care for the genres that myself, and many others love. I'm simply presenting an alternative to that. I'm going to try and watch a few films a week, and give a review for them. I love movies from all genres and time periods. Action, Noir, Sci-fi, Horror, Comedy, Kids movies, foreign films, documentaries, and the occasional western. This blog will contain them all (except for romantic comedies...I watch about 1.2 of these per year).

This will also serve as the only warning concerning language, content, and other obscenities. This blog will contain these things. If you don't like dirty dirty dirty words, well then go read Ebert. Also, there will be movies that I will not like. In all honesty, I do believe that most movies are terrible. Especially if they feature castmembers from Gossip Girl. If you want a beautiful, glowing review of every movie I watch, than visit aintitcoolnews.com, because the (otherwise) brilliant Harry Knowles can provide you with that. So, with the rules laid out, let the movie watching begin!